Public Puking

I think there must be an unwritten "Mom List" floating around somewhere that notates all of the ridiculous things a woman must go through in order to be fully initiated in to motherhood. There have been several times in the past two years where I've found myself thinking Yeah, this has happened to other people I know and here it is happening to me. Things like mastitis. Or pulling an all-nighter because your two kids tag team waking up throughout the night. Or pregnancy constipation. Or being peed on while changing a diaper. Or pooped on, for that matter. Things that are just inevitably going to happen. And I'm pretty sure that having one of your kids puke in public is definitely on that list. As of this past week, I can check it off of mine.

In what was supposed to be a quick trip to Walmart for random toiletries, I found myself encountering this nightmare right around 5:00pm...probably Walmart's finest hour. Reagan was sitting in the shopping cart seat with our darling cart cover surrounding him and Kolb was standing in the actual buggy playing with all the goodies I had thrown in. We stopped on the toothbrush aisle to get Kolb a new brush. Since there were like seventy-five different styles with various age specifications to chose from, I was engrossed in selecting the right one. An older female Walmart employee that didn't speak much English came up on the aisle beside us. Like most older people, she was fascinated with the babies and took a liking to Kolbe. Pleased that I had someone to entertain him for a second so I could focus on my toothbrush hunt, I allowed her to chat away with him. By the time I finally selected a cute one with Eeyore on it, I turned around to find the lady gone and Kolbe with a paper towel in his hand. Just beyond our cart stood a clean up station with a towel dispenser so I assumed the lady must have given him one from there.

Before I had time to realize what was happening I heard Reagan begin to choke. I rushed back over to the cart frantically trying to figure out what was wrong. Sure enough, curled up in his little paw was a scrap of the paper towel. Just as I attempted to grab him from the seat, it happened. Lovely, smelly, chunky mouth fulls of nastiness. Reagan had nursed just before we left the house but this also appeared to include a good portion of his earlier real food meal as well. Dang. Too bad we hadn't held off on solids a little longer. Not just on his clothes, not just on my pretty cart cover, not just on my clothes...but all over the floor too.

And there he sat, smiling up at me. It was as if he was saying, "Ah, that feels so much better! Back to shopping!"

I was filled with so many emotions. Rage: Did that lady seriously give my baby a paper towel!?! Disappointment: Was I seriously not paying attention to a stranger playing with my baby!?! Disgust: Am I seriously standing in the middle of Walmart with puke all over me and my child!?! Humor: Am I seriously standing in the middle of Walmart with puke all over me and my child!?!

Within minutes, the little old lady appeared again and was absolutely mortified that Reagan had choked on the paper towel. Full of apologies, she eagerly helped me clean up the mess and kept asking in her broken English if I was mad at her. I tried as best as I could to explain that babies can't have paper. Hello, doesn't everyone know I'm raising a billy goat!?!

We made our way over to the baby section where I selected a random green t-shirt to change Rudy into. The puke smell was way to overpowering to take him home in what he was wearing. Besides, there was no way I was getting that mess all over my beloved new car seat. Luckily, I had my trusty baby trash bags in my purse and was able to throw all the nasties in there. By the time we made it out of the store, I was completely overwhelmed. If I was a smoker, I would have had one in the parking lot. A drinker and as soon as we got home I would have busted open a cold one.

I've always though myself to be calm, cool, and collected in almost any situation. So why is it that motherhood has managed to turn me in to a total mess of frantic, spaz-out, anxiety filled stress!?! Why in the world would I even go to Walmart at that hour!?! And get that involved in a search for a toothbrush!!! Looking back on the situation, it's quite easy to laugh. While there's certainly a desire to beat myself up about the whole thing, the truth is, I know I'm not the only one this has happened to. Praise God that nothing happened to my little dumpling, and praise him as well for this learning experience for me as a mama. As I confidently strike "public puking" from my unwritten Mom List, I pray that I have the wisdom in the future to avoid the mere occasion of this ever happening again! (whether choking provoked or that other kind of puking that involves multiple episodes in a 24 hour period)