Time for a Break

I'm. On. Vacation.

Ahhhhhhhhh. (yes, that's one long sigh.)

It's somewhat of an unplanned and harried vacation, but a vacation nonetheless. Since we spent Christmas with my family last year, we will be spending this Christmas with Mark's family in Lubbock. Still, both Mark and I have desperately been needing a break. Like a break from Lubbock. A total get-away from the "real world."

When we realized that Mark would be finishing up with his rotation on the 17th (more than a week before Christmas), we decided we'd high-tail it down to The Woodlands for a quick visit with my parents. I suppose my itch to get out was stronger than I thought, as here I sit at my parents computer on the 15th, typing away while my mom puts Kolbe to bed. The boys and I decided to fly down in advance to give Mark some peace and quiet in order to study for his block exam.

Now that I'm here, I feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Like, oh! What a relief! It's so nice to have two extra sets of hands. Two, make that three. Dave arrived this evening. And all three "helpers" love to dote on the boys, an activity that has been beginning to wear on me greatly. Don't get me wrong. There's no better job than taking care of these guys. Lately it has just seemed like total chaos and conflict, and I'm thinking the break will help even things out. At least I'm hoping.

I think as moms we feel like we have to be on our A-game at all times. Whether people are looking or not. Have you ever gotten that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach when it's noon, you're still in pajamas, heck, your kids are still in pajamas, there's barely a stitch of carpet showing from beneath the mound of toys on the floor, and you're attempting to close your eyes and go to your happy place? I've been feeling it a lot lately. With questions swirling through my mind like Why in the world is nothing working today? How can they look so sweet and act so terrible? Why am I not being an effective mommy? And why is it that guilt is the emotion connected with these questions?

Really, I shouldn't feel guilty for not having it all together all of the time. Trying to come across as the perfect Suzie Homemaker is really unrealistic. I'm a human being. Not only an imperfect mother, but an imperfect person all together. But the thing is, I'm perfectly imperfect. That's the way it's supposed to be. God made us to need Him. Without struggles, weakness, difficulties, and challenges, would we really need Him? I suppose going through these things are quite necessary in order to stay connected.

And another thing. We really shouldn't feel guilty for taking a break. I have a confession to make. I, yes I, a contestant on Who Wants to be a Perfect Mother allowed my barely two year old child to fly on an airplane with his grandmother to Houston and spend the night away from me. (Gasp!) Granted, Reagan and I flew down today...the very next morning...but in all honesty, I had originally decided to let him do it for four whole nights! After deciding that baby steps (for me, not for him) were better, one night was still a major milestone for us. Still, when I stopped by the bank this morning before leaving town, all my former co-workers had seemingly shocked expressions on their faces. You let him do what? How could you!?! All the way to Houston!?! On a plane!?! I would have never imagined that you of all people would do such a thing!!! Cue guilty mom feelings.

But why? My child is safe, he's being completely cared for, and he's happy. Letting him take this little trip should not get me voted off the island. If making my little guy happy, making my parents happy, and giving me a break is bad, then I suppose I'm not cut out for Who Wants to be a Perfect Mother after all. Like I said, perfectly imperfect. As it should be.

And yes, I'm going to get my hair done tomorrow. At a salon. By someone else. And by myself!

A break. It will be good for me. And in the long run, good for my boys and good for my husband. I hope to return to Lubbock rejuvenated, reinvigorated, and more passionate about my career as a mama than ever. Lord willing, the boys will have a totally refreshed mama and wife! (and hopefully one with fabulous locks!)